wish u were here
i am so discontent with my life right now. i miss my mom. my sisters. my brother. my boyfriend. my best friend.
i miss my mom visiting me at school every weekend and bringing me fresh cut mango. i miss going to my sister’s basketball games and being there to hug them after a bad day. i miss seeing the excitement in my brother’s eyes whenever he came up to see me and watching regular show with him. i miss the way my boyfriend would just lay there with me when i needed to cry and push my hair back behind my ears. i miss being a 5 minute drive away from my best friend and our conversations over a movie and pizza.
i miss everyone so much.
and it’s killing me
i feel lost
i don’t like you. not because you are not a nice person. or because i think you are really self-entitled. or even because you are a bad listener. but simply because i can not trust you.
and i don’t like anyone i can’t trust because i like being honest
but being honest is hard when you don’t trust someone
my heart hurts
on nights like these, where i see my roommate cuddled up next to her boy, giggling and connecting lips…i start to miss my boyfriend.
i miss him so much. so much that i can actually feel some sort of pain pressing up against my chest. and i just want to lay bundled up in my sheets because the warmth reminds me of what it feels like when he holds me in his arms. which then reminds me of the kisses he would lay on my forehead and the way he would look into my eyes when i looked up at him. sometimes a person’s eyes just says it all. it can tell you their story, their emotions, and especially their love for you.
and then it all becomes too much and i just start bawling my eyes out like the way i am as i write this because all i have are memories when i just want my boyfriend next to me. i just want to feel his warmth up against me and feel that feeling when you know someone is staring at you, instead of this uneasy feeling.
i miss you cy.